We’ve all been there: you finally find the one, the person who you know will make you happy for the rest of your life and create beautiful babies with, and you once can’t imagine life without them. But before too long, this love turns to hate, and that person that you once loved so much now seems like an enemy who wants to make your life as difficult as possible. What happened? How did such pure love turn into pure hate? A lot of it comes down to two factors: expectations, and external circumstances. Let’s understand each of these factors in turn.
The Infatuation Stage
When you first start dating someone new, it’s like you’re in love. You can’t get enough of each other and you want to spend every waking moment together. You have this intense need for the person that never goes away. It feels so good to be with them and when you’re not with them, you can’t stop thinking about them. All your time is spent imagining what they might be doing and why they haven’t replied to your last text. They consume your thoughts and nothing else seems important or even interesting anymore. But then, as you spend more time together, something starts to change. Gradually you find yourself wondering if maybe this was all just a temporary feeling – an infatuation stage – and not true love after all. There are times where they seem almost too perfect, so much so that it becomes hard to see any flaws. And you find yourself questioning everything – the relationship, your compatibility and whether or not they’re right for you.
The Dealing with Imperfections Stage
It’s not uncommon for a couple to enter the Dealing with Imperfections stage. This is when you realize that life isn’t perfect and that you are no longer in love with your partner. You see their flaws and it can be difficult to overlook them. It’s important to understand that this is a natural stage in the relationship and it does not mean there is anything wrong with you or your partner. All relationships have highs and lows and this is just one of those low moments. The best way to get through this phase is by being patient, open-minded, and working on improving yourself before expecting too much from your partner. The time will pass and things will return to normal.
It might take some time but patience is key to making things better. Remembering what you loved about each other and what made you happy in the past is also a good idea. If all else fails, don’t hesitate to seek professional help! It may seem scary at first, but it could end up saving your marriage. Marriage counseling is an excellent way to address these problems as well as many others like communication problems or intimacy issues. No matter how dark things seem now, remember that these difficulties won’t last forever if you work together.
The Resentment Stage
Stage one of the love-hate relationship is often called the resentment stage. In this stage, the couple’s love has morphed into something else. It’s not as intense or passionate. The romance is gone. But there’s still a sense of attachment to each other and most importantly a sense of ownership in the relationship. That one partner you will never let go of or give up on. This can be felt by both partners in varying degrees. Some couples are able to bounce back from it and get back into an even greater feeling. But others can’t seem to shake the feeling off no matter what they do.
For some people, it’s easier said than done because their hurt is so deep that they lash out at their partner. With anger and bitterness which only makes things worse between them. And yet others just don’t feel like they’re enough for their significant other any longer.
And when these feelings boil to the surface all at once, it doesn’t take much for a fight to break out and for one person to say something unforgivable that sends everything crashing down around him/her. When someone feels pushed too far, he/she snaps. And the one who was pushed over the edge finally explodes–lashing out in anger, unleashing his/her wrath–in hopes that it would make everything better. However, most often times nothing changes and instead becomes even more toxic. There are arguments about how money should be spent or how plans were made without input from the other party. Whatever reason for fighting about things, issues just continue to grow until eventually one partner either gives up on the relationship entirely (walking away) or reconciles and tries again to work things out (only to have another argument).
What many people forget is that relationships are hard work.
The Break-Up Stage
It’s a cycle that so many of us have been through. You’re in love with someone. You’re happy and life is perfect. And then it all falls apart. Without warning and without reason, you just wake up one day and find yourself hating the person you once loved so much. The reasons for these break-ups vary from person to person – it could be due to betrayal or just losing interest over time – but there are some commonalities that we can identify here. First, after being together for a long time, we start to take each other for granted. We stop appreciating what we have and only focus on what’s wrong instead. Second, resentment starts building up between both people until finally it breaks out into anger or fighting.
Third, we start comparing ourselves to other people because we don’t think our relationship is enough anymore or because things get really tough during hard times like when one partner loses their job or gets sick. Lastly, at this stage, we often want different things than our partner. One of them may want children while the other doesn’t want kids at all; one may want marriage while the other isn’t sure about commitment; one might feel that they need space but the other wants to stay together no matter what. These differences can create problems even if one of the partners agrees to compromise. All these factors play a role in why relationships fall apart and why we end up hurting the ones we love.
Communication and commitment are important factors to help relationships. The challenges take a lot of work. In return it takes both parties to overcome the challenges. If you fail to put in the work, naturally it crumbles in time. It’s not easy to leave, but it’s a wonderful feeling to be happy once again.
Until our beautiful minds meet again, be safe out there. Many blessings and much love. Remember Everyday Minds Matter -Della 💞💞