Tag Archives: Experience

🎭 Truth Of Addiction – #1 ✔️My Story My Version🎭

Truth of Addiction
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com

Experimenting during adolescent years and developmental growth periods are normal. Experience is gained by the time going through an experience. The psychology of addiction is the how, why, when, what, and where behavior.  The behavior that triggers the response to want more.  But what happens to promote addiction is the root – problem (creations of). That comes from or is created due to a past experience or life event.

Psychology of Addiction

Psychology of Addiction is an overview of the behavior. It is also known as the study of motivation and controlling factors that induce a person to do an addictive behavior. The factors vary from individual to individual and from situation to situation. At times, one may not even be aware that they are addicted. If you are reading this article, chances are that you have come across a question “Why do people become addicted?” or “What makes a person more likely to become addicted?” There are a number of theories about addiction out there but the most widely recognized one is the “Biological Theory” which suggests that addiction is caused by genetic predisposition. It means that it runs in families and if your parents had addiction problems such as alcoholism, drug abuse or compulsive gambling, you are at high risk of being addicted to substance use or something else. On the other hand, behavioral theories suggest that addiction comes from the environment and how they were raised by their parents. People who grew up in an environment with no love and care are more likely to become addicted as they look for such care in other things. Other times, people use drugs and alcohol for an escape route from their problems. If someone feels depressed, drugs offer temporary consolation that never lasts but one becomes habitual and continues doing it again and again without realizing its consequences.

The Use of Drugs and Alcohol

So why do people start using drugs? People start using drugs for a variety of reasons. It can be as simple as peer pressure or a desire to escape from a stressful life situation. Some people also use drugs to cope with emotions, to self-medicate, or to try and numb the pain from mental health issues. Drug use can also be linked to low self-esteem, depression, and even traumatic life events. Whatever the reason may be, the reality is that it can quickly lead to dependency and even addiction, leading to devastating consequences.

The answer to this question can depend on a person’s life events, psychology, past experiences and mental health.

When a person is depressed, it is very difficult for them to enjoy life fully, which will inevitably lead to the search for an escape route. It’s easy to fall into the world of drugs – they will show you another world, where all your problems disappear, even if it is a temporary illusion. The cause of behavior to explore drugs to temporarily avoid feelings. It’s important to understand one addiction feeds another. In other words if you give up sugary foods, becoming a alcoholic is favorable. Substituting a new created addiction is likely to fill the void. A continuous cycle in times of a mental mess situation.

My Story My Version

My alcohol and drug experience began during my High School years.   Addiction isn’t a taste for or an acquired liking for a beverage or substance.  Addiction is the recovery, or the lack of – to hide from emotional connection with high levels of pain..  Hiding something that feels unpleasant or unwelcome, is optional- yet reality. Covering the inner pain (demon) to feel normal or better about ones self, produces the nature of behavior.

Addiction can be described as a compulsive, unhealthy need to engage in a certain activity. Unlike the way most people think about addiction, very little of it has to do with the actual substance or behavior one has become addicted to. Instead, addiction is more of a coping mechanism that someone uses to deal with difficult feelings or circumstances.

The truth my of addiction starts here. Addiction became part of my way of life, challenging events of death.

Being secure, confident, and intelligent added to self awareness to my own identity- did not matter.. Yes, getting drunk, was just a happening occurrence at times.  The cause of drinking was for fun, social involvement,  not for out of character behavior.  Exploring my tolerance to drugs and alcohol was experienced with friends or peers. And then, the feeling of numbness, laughter or enjoyment from the alcohol take effect.  Developmental response is learning to connect with behavior and the substance.  The behavioral reaction to drugs and alcohol weren’t negative effects of anger, mood altercation, or disrespectful behavior during my use.  My tolerance was the social aspect while drinking not to get drunk.  I can say, I didn’t have grudges to people, places or things.

Drugs, such as marijuana, mushrooms, acid, were more mind or body response altering substance  Of course we all try different peer related drugs, as I did. I can say my experience was pleasant and offered enjoyment.  Some days involved over drinking, getting sick, hangovers, and the “oh, I will never drink again moments”.  All though, I had my share of hangovers.  Those headaches were contributed by whiskey or hard liquor.  (lesson * to respond or not respond – to learn from awareness of the behavior with over indulging or mixing alcohol).

When the word “addiction” is used, we often think about alcohol or drugs, and specifically the chemicals within them. But how does that impact our behavior?

The chemical reactions in the brain are linked to everything we do, especially our actions—be it buying ice cream, going to work, or having sex. In fact, when it comes to powerful addictive substances like alcohol and cocaine, we’re talking about very strong chemical hooks: but they are still just chemical reactions.

Those chemical hooks of being a superhero; was not in my plans.  I didn’t desire to explore hard liquor or the  behavior from the effects.  Proudly, a shot from time to time was my limit.  However inner peace and enjoyment balanced, my behavior, the (Inner monster) was tamed.  I had an honest relationship with my parents and myself.  This is in fact an important key factor to developmental growth during adolescent years. Also the relationship established with future addictions.

Drinking wasn’t a habit or need for me.  Drinking with family and friends were the of best times just interacting/socializing.  A people person was natural for my social well-being..  Drinking in the yard with my dad, held the best conversations, growing knowledge, and in-depth wisdom of life, itself.  My childhood did not include: a broken home, child abuse, foster care, or traumatizing influences. My addiction came in the form of life events. Those life events were the loss of my father and brother 7 weeks apart.

The truth of addiction is, trauma, something that takes place that a person can not accept. An emotional, physical or mental event that one can not manage to cope with. Accepting the pain of an event can be crippling at times. Dealing with the mental effects are important. Naturally when unwelcoming pain is experienced, we use defenses to our advantage . Any pain can result in drug or alcohol abuse. The beginning or the go to escape route that leads to addiction. Influenced pain by substance or alcohol form to avoid emotional, mental, or physical Searching for a numbing mechanism that becomes an addiction. Its not your fault, its okay that pain hurts. Its okay to cry, feel and acknowledge the pain. It’s not a fun, happy feeling, or a joy to experience raw emotions. But honestly, once you face the truth and pain. Life is good. Life is happier. You are stronger. You can free addiction or urges of temtation by understanding yourself.

Dealing with emotional, mental, or physical trauma today. Can help keep addiction tendencies from surfacing. Learn your own behavior and actions. This can help you better understand your mental and physical health. Take time to feel the in the moment experience or present circumstances. Those feelings are warning signs that help you deal and cope with life pain. Those warnings can be your tendency to manage future events that trigger pain. You are the mechanic to your well-being. A good mechanic knows how to look for warnings before they surface. You have the ability to recognize the warnings. You have the ability to be stronger than you never imagined. Believe in your positivity, a flow of positive energy that cycles within your well-being. Open that experience to overcome, challenges so tomorrow is adding positivity. And addiction will be far from reach.

Until our beautiful minds meet again. Be safe out there. Many blessings and much love. Remember Everyday Minds Matter – Della🦋💞

Look for more of : 👀 To See Is To Believe 👀 – My Story My Version 👣

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👐 My Story My Version: Touched by an Angel 👐

Gift of an Angel
Touch of An Angel

May of 1987, celebrating the first birthday of my cousin. Laughter and voices filled the air, splashes of pool water throughout the day; memories made. As the day grew old, darkness was closing in. My uncle and brother headed to the car to retrieve hanging lights to continue the celebration. Unable to go, hiding by the garbage cans, I waited. Watching as they crossed the street, then slowly followed to the edge of the street. In a distance my eyes locked on to a red and white Coke-Cola sign. Hung from a local Pub or Bar. One step in the street—.

An old blue station wagon struck me in the right side. That moment everything went dark. Complete darkness when a soft swift felt under my body. A bright white light covered my eye lids, as tranquility flowed through my body. In the darkness of the moment, a soft voice whispered in my ear. Unable to understand the words, calming music or instruments was heard. Opening my eyes to a pure bright white light. The ray of beauty of an Angel that held me in her presence. A moment of tranquility filled my body, no pain, sadness or tears. My eyes fixed on the angel who glowed with peace and love.

What then seemed to be a real moment of watching as a car hit my body. Tossed in slow motion, a blue head band flung in the air. The sound of screeching echoed in the air, from the tires braking to dodge the child in view. Instantly my body flew in the air like a sling shot. Roughly 15 ft. as a solid dropped childs body bounced off the windshield. A final roll of what appeared as a rag doll, smacked the hood of the car. Only to tumble in a final hard drop, ending with the pavement. The rolling of a blue head band was heard as it spun to a complete stop. As a witness ran to the body of the young child. Appeared laying lifeless in the street. Nearby, the childs uncle and brother also had witnessed the accident. As a crowd gathered round, the passenger door of the car opened, when a gun fell in the street. The two occupants of the car had just shot and buried a family dog. Commotion got loud, realizing the two men had been in-laws to the family.

  • (I want to make this side note ) – I believe the impact caused the unconsciousness.  If this was a dream or if I died it would be confusing. With no open gashes, wounds, scratches, head trauma or injury noticeable.  It confusing as the next two paragraphs are blurred.  I have struggled for years to write the meaning and detail – theres no right words or structure. Able to witness and experience at the same time.  Here goes..)*

** the presence of a beautiful angel. As we watched the accident play on a big screen – real-life. Nothing at the moment felt pain or sadness. I couldn’t hear talking or feel anything as the ambulance arrived. )**

During the experience, shadows I could see many people the seemed very busy. If they were people, they would appear in a distance not noticing me. I don’t remember any noise of like production work or any chaos. Instrument sounds played softly and a voice of a man was heard, “the time come, exact form will flow like a river – a gift”.  Waiting to see a face or person, neither revealed. I could only remember those words clearly. Yet never able to hear the clear words the angel had whispered in my ear. Those words were of a man, aren’t 100% since never seeing a face. Even though the voice was calm and clear, to me was a mans voice. Those words I didn’t understand. “The time come, exact form will flow like a river – a gift”.

The ambulance arrived, taking me to the nearby hospital. Every moment the beautiful angel held me in her arms. Watching life in real time, I could hear soft glamorous sound of music. A music that was soothing peaceful, happy, and complete joy. To feel the tranquility to amazing to be real. Time to time my angel would whisper in my ear. The voice so clear and stable never explained what was happening. Thankful for the presence, comfort, yet confused to  – Am I dreaming? Reality of where I was in this experience. I could see people that were in real-time. I couldn’t communicate or hear – its confusing to describe the stuck in between moments. I could hear a formilar voice and a hard pull at my ear. Being tossed on to a bed, lights were bright, a woman said, “You remember me”? My oldest brothers mother-in-law. I didn’t get to respond, my little body hurt so bad. Opening my eyes, as I woke up, I began to vomit. The pain was over baring, why did everything hurt? All of a sudden, a lady was jerking at my ear, trying to remove my earrings. Mrs. D, my brothers, mother-in-law took charge. Gently removed both earrings. Preparing me to have a CAT scan. Not feeling well at all, I continued to vomit. Mrs. D gave me a shot, so the vomiting would stop. I must have fallen asleep momentarily, mom and dad was sitting next to my bed. I thought I was going for CAT scan but that was done when I fell asleep. Dad helped me up, and mom walked me to the bathroom. Now a urinalysis test was needed before being discharged. Closing the door in the restroom as I went alone, while mom was talking to Mrs. D outside the door. I felt horrible, weak and tired… I tried so, so hard to urinate. I couldn’t, I wanted to cry. As I sat on the toilet, my (Angel) stood in a smoke fog by the door. She just smiled at me, if she had words to say – nothing was heard or spoken. She was so beautiful and smiled the prettiest smile. I was so happy to see her I started to pee. She waved and disappeared through the door. Had I realized I used the bathroom? Mom open the door and asked if I was okay? I told her I couldn’t go, Mrs. D said “you did go honey”. Not long after releasing and we went to my aunts to stay the night.

Had I been touched by an Angel? Absolutely! Was this an out of body experience and did I go to heaven? I wouldn’t say heaven for sure. However, I did experience a moment out of body. That short time, felt amazing and peacefully heartfelt. Was there a purpose? Of course, it took me quite sometime to adjust. To fully understand the purpose – Trying to understand one day, I asked my mamaw. She read a big book that, was always placed on her coffee table. Reminder as nothing is to be on the book – the “Bible.” Asking her if the invisible man was part of the Bible? “Yes, the good Lord’s work, Jesus”. I tried to explain how when I got hit by the car, an Angel sweep down and saved me. My mamaw told me Angels was around us all the time. Angels help us through situations and work for Jesus. She explained the bible. I was young and didn’t grasp the understanding. I never told anyone, writing was my understanding and awareness to this so called “gift”. Unable to ask questions about the beautiful angel that gifted me. My mind always looked for answers. I had heard about this man Jesus, invisible or a higher power. Mamaw gave me some information but I needed to know more. Some said he made miracles happen. Never had I met him or heard from him. One day after writing in my journal, looking around my room.- no one was there just me. Not knowing how to contact this man, I figured maybe if I just talk to him. – Just maybe this higher power would help me understand. Remind you. I am 9 years old, – The 5th grader and learning a few things. Not really, clueless by all means, to any grown up stuff. So here I am, ready set go. Exact words I had said. Higher power that’s invisible. Crazy how I never forgot this day. Its clear as ever nearly (34 years later). Anyway, Higher power that’s invisible, I got hit by a car and I knew the guys. They are relation to my brother. Well Higher power, this lady very beautiful – my angel lady held me while this dream happened. The dream was real when the car hit me. I started to feel like I was having a real-life conversation with higher power. He was invisible but little by little words or bits and piece of talking I could hear. A kid – higher power I can’t hear you. Almost like a radio with static seemed to be heard, clear words, static, static, then I would feel warm or cold. I would have these visions or pictures in my head, and then like on big screen. Trying to squint my eyes, wanting to see the message, given me. Lord, I’m a kid, can you tell me what “the time come, exact form will flow like a river, mean? Everything went silent, why did he stop talking to me?

Every now and then, if I squinted hard enough I could see the view clearer. The struggle to see got easier and easier. The radio talking had less static more clear voice. That radio had messages that scared me. After a little while I could feel my body temperature change and see unpleasant views. Hearing voices that had negative energy. Those at times weren’t comfortable. I didn’t like those visions of evil – mad people. It was hard to understand.

One day after school, getting off the bus felt like I stumbled. I felt dizzy and very hot. Stopping at mamaws trailer, the front door was cracked, immediately it was hot in there. All stove burners red hot, nothing on the stove. Potato peels on the floor, something was wrong. Mamaw was so confused, I got the stool and turned the burners off, having mamaw sit down. She wasn’t feeling well, she was very hot. Calling mom and dad, dad came up and he said mamaw was trying to cook. Her daughters were coming to visit from Florida. Dad and mom took mamaw to the hospital to have her checked out.

Later that evening, dad, mom, brought mamaw to stay at our house. My aunt – dads sister came to stay also. The doctor said mamaw had, had several mini strokes. The plan was to take her to the family doctor in the morning. My aunt slept in the room with my mamaw, I slept on the couch in the living room. Waking to my aunt and dad talking, dad told me to go back to sleep. They both went into the bedroom. My aunt had mamaws head in her lap. Whipping mamaws head with a wash cloth and talking to her. Mamaw took a drink of gatorade and said “that was good, nice and cold”. Waiting to see, I went closer to the bed as dad stood by the door. My aunt put my hand with mamaws, she said to me “no matter what, I will always be with you as you carry my name”. I started to cry she said “I love you.” Dad came and got me I went into the living room. Mamaw passed, my first experience of death. My uncle and aunt that lived a couple of minutes away came up. Waiting for the corner to arrive, dad called mamaws sisters in Ohio. Aunt Mary answered dad told her about mamaw, she said Georgia (other sister) was sleeping that she was up earlier and didn’t feel well. So she would let her know later after she woke up. An hour later, Aunt Mary called saying she decided to go ahead and wake Georgia. To give the news and she had passed as well in her sleep. Two sisters two hours of passing and not knowing of each others death.

Trying to grasp this so called death – experience was confusing. Then these people brought a stretcher through the house. As I sat on the couch, a few minutes later they took mamaw out in a zipped up bag. My aunt said, I should have not seen that image. Its in my head still to this day. Death is a mysterious moment that stings our mind at times. There are no preparations to death. I had never seen my dad cry – Until that day, mamaw passed. This day had changed my life, in so many ways. That my next post My Story My Version – The Gift will be in-depth to death. How the impact to my life was positive and negative. How the out of body experience possibly prepared me for death experiences.

Look for 🙏My Story My Version – The Gift 🙏 coming soon.. Thank you reading my story and allowing my to share the experience. Please feel free to share thoughts and your personal experience.

Until our beautiful minds meet again. Be safe out there, many blessings and much love. Remember Everyday Minds Matter – Della💗🦋