Narcissist: Why it’s so Hard to Love and Live with them

Power of Control or Attention

We all know narcissists are very demanding and they can be so arrogant too. Well, what you don’t know is how hard it is to actually love and live with them. Whether you are in a relationship with one or you are dealing with your boss on the job, having to deal with this type of person can be very stressful and sometimes depressing. But do you know why narcissists act this way? Do you know what goes on behind those eyes? The heart of a narcissist is confusing, or is it? You will find the answers here.

* What is a narcissist?
A narcissist is someone who has a sense of entitlement, self-importance, superiority and egotism. Narcissists typically have an inflated ego or sense of self-worth. They do not take responsibility for their actions, but instead blame others or the world at large for everything that happens. They expect special treatment but do not extend the same courtesies to others.

They are preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, beauty or love. They need constant admiration from others in order to feel fulfilled. You may find yourself feeling drained by a narcissist’s excessive need for attention or admiration – which often leads you to being overly accommodating and caring. The problem is that this too can be taken advantage of by the narcissistic person because they want you to be attentive all the time . Even when they are just sitting around on the couch watching TV, and you’re doing housework! A narcissist may demand your affection while you are busy. A narcissist will leave you feeling they are priority over anything and everyone else. Being overwhelmed by constant confusion is just the mind game of a narcissist. The motive is to bring you below their own sorrows to feel better about their poor behavior. They see no wrong in their actions and turn the table to, “she is crazy”. They will always come out looking great at your cost. In time mental, emotional, and physical anguish will make you question your own mental health.

No matter what you do, the narcissist will always come up with a reason to criticize your behavior, like taking care of your own needs. It’s important to understand that this tendency doesn’t necessarily stem from maliciousness or ill intent; it’s more about how much they believe themselves above everyone else. The narcissist lives only for him/herself, usually paying little regard to anyone else in the process. In addition to treating other people badly, a narcissist also acts as if he/she does not exist (e.g., having no feelings). He/she feels entitled to certain privileges or things that most people don’t think he/she deserves such as praise and fame, even if he/she hasn’t done anything remarkable. They act arrogantly and use others to meet their own needs without considering the consequences. No expression of guilt or mercy after insulting or criticizing others is noticed. Narcissists hide behind a fake impersonation, cheating, lying, deceit, and manipulation. Narcissistic personality disorder is one of the 10 types of personality disorders recognized by medical professionals.

* How does one become a narcissist?
Most people become narcissists because they were praised excessively as children. As they grow up, they come to believe that they are superior to others and deserve special treatment. Narcissists also often have a sense of entitlement, which means they feel like the world owes them something. They may try to take advantage of other people or act in ways that don’t consider other people’s feelings. For example, a narcissist will create confrontation or drama to dominate their needs. If you are planning to spend time with family or friends, a narcissist will crash the day, your emotions, and act as nothing happend. A bogus demand that’s nonsense, to prove power and control to inflict guilt on you. As the narcissist was not included in your plans. Everyone needs interactions with others for the well-being of mental and physical health. Narcissists will ruin your mood to make you feel some kind of a way. A way that leaves you questioning “why?” and “what” just happend. The end result, overtime happiness is out of sight. A slow distance with friends and family takes place to avoid arguments or punishment. A narcissist will punish you for having fun, having friends, – the quality of “yourself” will begin to crumble. One day you just look in the mirror, and your not the same person you once were.

At this point, time has passed, your emotions and thoughts have altered. Those “in love” strings have thinned out. Your feelings have changed towards the narcissist. The positive energy from the relation has gotten bitter. Excuses no longer has meaning, as truth is told. A broken down puppet who has been reprogrammed by the hands of a master. “gHoSteD” with ripple effects of confused emotions, mental anguish, and physical pain. The “gHoSteD” trauma is crippling when you realize somethings not right. A blind side effect of love – cockhold syndrome. Unaware of the attachment formed by pure hell. Degrading, mental, physical, and emotional abuse has become routine. A victim of abuse, empowered by control, neediness, and mental illness, -masterminded manipulation, guilt, and deceit. Conditioned that the abuse from a narcissist is not his/her fault. To avoid further conflict, a narcissist will play victim and reap the pleasure of another win.

Is there hope?
Yes, there is hope. If you’re reading this, then you maybe in a relationship with a Narcissist. And if that’s the case, I’m sorry. But don’t give up hope! You can still find happiness – just not with that person. Your happiness will come from within yourself. The most important thing for you to do right now is take care of your needs and self-care before trying to take care of others or their needs. The damage inflicted did not happen overnight. The love you once felt is love you once knew. Those feelings have been reconstructed to accommodate the narcissist. Don’t beat yourself up for the behavior you tolerated from the narcissist. If something feels wrong, trust your intuition and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Take inventory of what makes YOU happy (what brings joy into YOUR life) and then make decisions based on those things going forward.
Finally, know that this about “YOU”. You are capable, you are strong, you are your own defence – An army of one. Today is the day to be happy again. Have hope in your being, that life is so much more. The hurt will pass, but your well-being is priority.

* The level of involvement in the relationship The involvement depends on the mindset at the moment. The personality challenges can be hectic. At one moment the neediness can be overwhelming as you are demanded at all times.. You become the control operation as a puppet. A master who is degrading the source of everything – You. Everything is done by demand and control. The level is high demand for attention and admiration for your hard work. The credit and appreciation is to their need for appraisal at all cost. Because of you, your narcissist reaps all appraisal and benefits of your accomplishments. You are not weak. You are tired but look at all you been through. Your strength pushed you harder than you ever imagined. Now it’s time to rest. Strengthen your mind and push through the time to let go. You gave all and got nothing more than being tired of no help. When you were told you “couldn’t” you accomplished “I conquered”. The involvement from the narcissist was to push you to your limits. The hell of “couldn’t” proved your worth. Be proud for your ability as a person, an army of one, and be your own #1 fan. Nothing is can stop 🛑 – “YOU”. Never under estimate the power of your mind.

Why do narcissists behave this way? Control is the motive, by the lack of self-confidence. The insults get deeper in time, with emotional, mental, and physical abuse. One would believe it gets better, truth is, it gets worse. The more you resist or challenge a narcissist… It fuels the demand ego for control. The right now moment which only pushes button on the victim. Fueled by fear of you leaving, scared of being alone, and lack of connection to communicate. Narcissist lack empathy, leaving them confused about right or wrong behavior. Being acceptable to wrong intention, judgemental responses, react with poor behavior, and by remorse or guilt. Inflicted behavior to control another person is damaging and unacceptable. A narcissist lack the ability to connect emotional and physical pain – leaving others confused when feelings are involved

* Dealing with a narcissist. At first you might be smitten by a narcissist charm, good looks, and inviting false character. When you think it’s to good to be true, believe it, it’s true. Walk real fast or run when this behavior is noticed. It can be hard to not lash out in anger towards a narcissist. This is just a game to push your buttons. Silence and kindness will confuse a narcissist, who seeks a reaction to their mind games. Beating a narcissist at their own games, this is in a safe way. Fighting back, arguing, threatening, or criticizing a narcissist will only cause more problem. It does not get better. Overtime once you are secure, plan to leave. Don’t look back, yes it will hurt like hell. That hurt will soon be a faded memory, that gave you strength. As you conquer and overcome in the days ahead. Remember a narcissist, taught you how to be hard, find your inner strength, and most of all overcome what you thought was impossible. Tomorrow is a new day being an army of one. And soon after, the days after tomorrow. When your least expected, Hope will show up unexpectedly. An your army of one becomes two. That’s when teamwork becomes reality of life.

We can all say “I would not”, “there is no way”, and we end up with that person. Who is a narcissist. Those narcissist change who we are and who we become. But in time we learn bout our mental, physical, and emotional strength that we never knew. Our minds are challenged by Narcissistic ways that we learn to overcome. It’s not okay to control or demand another person’s attention. Tomorrow is a new day, you can over come and enjoy life once again, it’s up too you.

Until our beautiful minds meet again, be safe out there. Many blessings and much love. Remember Everyday Minds Matter-Della 💞🦋